My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm bleeding and have questions
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
