i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize