Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
