So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
