yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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