I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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