he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
