I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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