Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
