So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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