i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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