Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
