Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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