I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
