Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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