i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
