that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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