Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
