Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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