i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
