Little spoons don't ask big questions
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
