a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
