how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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