Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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