8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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