Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
