....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
