I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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