I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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