she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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