Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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