I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
