sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
