Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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