Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
