I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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