i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
