Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
