Just fell off a train. Bad.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
