No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
