he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
