Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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