It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
accomplished twins. life is a go
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
