Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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