You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
