You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
