lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
