i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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