maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
