you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
