I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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