I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
