your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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