look no pants
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
