I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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