New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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