I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
