I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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