If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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