I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
