the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Is it penis luge time yet?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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