I just cut my nipple shaving
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
