i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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