Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
