You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
