He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
