You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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