good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
