She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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