Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
