Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
